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Valentine's Day Gift Guide

by Kate Holby February 08, 2023

Valentine's Day Gift Guide

All the messaging surrounding Valentine's Day has soaked into your skull, leaving you incapable of making a rational, unencumbered choice. We are here, with all of our authentic marketing knowledge, to guide you in the right direction. Despite what you've been told, we're here to tell you better. 

Maybe you are thinking of buying a car for your lover. Don't.
Love: It's What Makes a Subaru a Subaru
Don't go driving around looking for love. This is creepy and expensive. Sitting at home alone with a cup of tea sounds more sustainable.

Perhaps you are going to the jewelry store. Don't.
He went to "Jareds"
So you're telling me that a man, went to another man, to buy a gift for a woman? A marketing slogan that must have been written and approved by a man. Take it from a women-owned company. Women want tea. And probably chocolate. And most definitely a day to be left alone in the house with the tea and the chocolate.

Maybe you are thinking about a romantic vacation . . . Don't.
AirbnB: Belong Anywhere
A $200 night stay in someone's garage apartment with generic tea and coffee and beige walls and you'll fit right into the community. Maybe you can grab some beers with the neighbors? Or you could sip Ajiri Tea from the comfort of your own sofa.

The theme, my friends, is that nothing good happens when you venture out at night in your new car looking for Jared and thinking you belong anywhere. Stay in this Valentine's Day. Put on the kettle, let the steam rise, and sip alone together.

Happy Valentine's Day!
Love is patient, love is kind, love is more generous when you order on time!

Kate Holby
Kate Holby


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